Dark Phoenix
by MagiKKal
Summary: In the summer of 1995, Voldemort has returned from the dead. Aquila Dolohov, the 20 year-old daughter of a convicted Death Eater, hadn't quite decided where her loyalties lie until the death of Cedric Diggory. She's been branded with the Dark Mark by choice, in order to become a spy for the Order of the Phoenix. (Rated T for stronger language used.)
1. One - In the Beginning

_Full story description:_

In the months following June 24, 1995, Voldemort has returned from the dead, following his successful resurrection in the third task of the Triwizard Tournament. Aquila Dolohov, the 20 year-old daughter of a convicted Death Eater, hadn't quite decided where her loyalties lie until the death of Cedric Diggory. She's been branded with the Dark Mark by choice in order to become a spy for the Order of the Phoenix.

As Aquila rises up through the ranks of the Death Eaters, she can't help but notice her world is failing. Bellatrix Lestrange seems to have taken an interest in her, and despite all she's ever known, Aquila begins to fall for a certain Death Eater. Add in the factor of a familiar new recruit, and her life can't get more screwed up than it is. She's having trouble keeping herself from turning to evil. It isn't easy faking Darkness, and Aquila soon realizes that if she can't fix her story before she's caught, she might succumb to the darkness that's always had a hold on her mind.

* * *

 **AN: I had to stop writing this in the middle of the chapter because I got Snape feels. WHY DID SNAPE HAVE TO DIE?** **NUUUUUU** **. I want to write an alternate ending to Harry Potter where Snape didn't die. He's my favorite character.**

 **But until I do that, I'm going to just have to keep on writing** **fanfiction** **that takes place during/before Harry's time at Hogwarts. I love writing Snape** **fanfiction** **, there's so much shit that happens in his life and it GIVES ME THE FEELS AND** **GAAAAAH** **NOW I WANT TO CRY BECAUSE I HAVE THE FEELS AGAIN and yeah. I SO SHIP HIM AND LILY. I SHIP THEM. I SHIP THEM SO MUCH. WHY DIDN'T SHE FORGIVE HIM?** _ **WHY?**_ **And now I have more feels because the more I think about it, the more feels I get.**

 **I'm ranting, aren't I?**

 **FEELS FEELS FEELS.**

 **I need to stop thinking so that I stop getting serious cases of the feels. (Is internally sobbing as I think about Snape and** **FEEELS** **.) I think you guys understand me; if you've ever had a serious case of the feels, you know what I feel like. I CAN'T EXPRESS IT WITH WORDS.**

 **Don't complain to me about writing more fanfictions when I have a ton that are barely even started; this is what I have the muse for, this is what I want to write, and it's what I'm going to write.**

 **On a completely unrelated note, the Severus Snape featured in this** **fanfiction** **is how I imagine he must be when he is not in the presence of someone or something he hates, acting as a spy, or pretending to be the cruel and cold Slytherin potions professor. He is kind towards Aquila because she was always kind to him as a student and continues to show him full respect and kindness even into her adulthood. She's the type who can detect a different personality lying under a mask, due to her natural ability as a** **Legillimens** **and communication/social skills.**

 **First uploaded September 13, 2015.**

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 _If one were to put the entire story of my life into writing, it would be the most horrific, possibly mortifying, and highly embarrassing story one had ever read. At the same time, it would also be one of the most inquisitive, emotional, and insanely, blatantly honest story ever published._

* * *

"Aquila, you're far too young for this!" exclaimed a horrified Molly Weasley. She turned to face Mad-Eye Moody, Albus Dumbledore, and Severus Snape. "How could you let her do this? How could you even suggest such a thing? Albus, she barely more than a child!"

"Molly, she is not a child anymore," replied Snape coolly. "She is of age, an accomplished Occlumens and Legillimens, and furthermore highly capable of penetrating the ranks of the Death Eaters."

Aquila did not say anything just yet. This was a battle that Severus (Aquila now called him by his first name with permission), Dumbledore, and Mad-Eye would fight against Mrs. Weasley whilst the remainder of the Order of the Phoenix waited it out. Mrs. Weasley was playing the part of a mother, and there was no way to avoid it when she was angry or annoyed - in this particular case, she was both.

Mrs. Weasley was not pleased with his answer. "So what?" she snapped at Severus. "She's only twenty!"

"Yet she passed all her NEWT's in school with flawless marks, learned Legillimency without even knowing of the subject, and discovered the Order's existence simply by going about her daily activities in the Ministry of Magic. Aquila is the daughter of Antonin Dolohov, who currently resides in Azkaban prison for the murder of your brothers, Molly. She is the perfect candidate for a spy pretending to be a spy and may become our greatest asset in this war against Voldemort."

Molly knew she had lost the argument. She looked at the other occupants of the room, hoping for some support, but she was alone in her opposition. With a look of defeat on her face, she sat back down again, glaring.

Dumbledore then turned to Aquila and asked, "Aquila, are you prepared to do this?"

She didn't hesitate before replying, "Yes. I am ready."

Dumbledore looked at Severus, who gave a small nod, stood up, and walked over to where Aquila sat. He placed his hand on the brunette's shoulder and the two disapparated.

They reappeared inside of a small sitting room that had little light in it, as the ceiling lamp was lit by only a single candle; Aquila quickly pulled her wand out of its holster and lit the other candles. Her eyes swept over the walls of filled bookcases and asked, "Where are we?"

Severus replied, "My house," as he pulled his hand off her shoulder. He stood where he was and gestured for her to sit down.

Aquila gave him a smile as she sat down on the couch and told him, "I like it. It's cozy." Leather-bound books were something that Aquila had always loved, and she found the sitting room particularly inviting as there was an abundance of them nestled cozily against the wall.

Severus took a seat in an old armchair and, facing Aquila, asked her, "Do you know why I have brought you here?"

Aquila took a minute to think.

Dumbledore had just recruited her to spy for the Order of the Phoenix because she was part of a family with a convicted Death Eater. She knew that this was important, as it gave her almost instant access to the dark side - it was only a matter of time until her dad escaped from Azkaban, especially with Voldemort's "hidden" reign over Britain, and led the Death Eaters to her for recruiting. It was likely that there was some form of testing or trials that one had to go through before they could bear the Dark Mark, almost definitely involving the use of Dark magic.

"I am here, I assume, for you to either teach me Dark magic or introduce me to the rest of the Death Eaters so that I might join them."

Severus nodded slightly. "Half of your answer is correct," he told her. "I have brought you here to teach you Dark magic and how to present yourself to the Death Eaters, as well as test the limits of your Occlumency barriers."

"So, basically you're going to teach me how to be a Death Eater."

"Correct."

Aquila nodded. "What are we waiting for? Let's just get started - the sooner I can join the Death Eaters, the better."

* * *

"Legillimens."

Severus was now attempting to look through Aquila's memories, but she blocked him with her Occlumency barriers and kept him out. Instead, she replaced herself with someone who was obsessed with cats, and made up a fake memory about burying herself with cats, one about buying cats, and one about obsessing over kittens.

"Where did you come up with _that_?" Severus asked Aquila once he withdrew from her mind.

Aquila shrugged as a look crossed his face. "I think I came up with it last year, when I was really bored on one of the endless weekends I spent at Dolohov Manor trying to come up with something to do."

"That is certainly an interesting story," he replied.

Aquila smirked. "You should see my owl person shield." She paused momentarily. "And now it's my turn for Legillimency - Legillimens!"

Severus attempted to block her, and was, unfortunately, successful. His shield involved being a werewolf, and Aquila withdrew and scolded him for attempting to make fun of Remus Lupin. "Remus is _nothing_ like that, he doesn't throw food at people!"

* * *

"Are you familiar with silent spellcasting?" asked Severus.

Too late, he realized that Aquila had silently cast the Disarming Spell and successfully hidden the light from him. His wand sailed across the room and Aquila flung out her arm and caught it.

"I think I might know more about silent spellcasting then you might guess, Severus," she told him. "It runs in the family - it's really my dad's specialty." There was a bright grin on Aquila's face during the entire exchange. "Up for a practice duel?" she asked as she walked across the room, returning Severus's wand.

His answer was a no.

"I really like your wand, by the way," Aquila told Severus.

Severus's eyes seemed to lighten up a bit and he seemed to be a bit more relaxed - but that aside, he made no acknowledgement of Aquila's statement.

* * *

Severus said to Aquila, "I trust you know that the incantations of nearly all existing spells are Latin."

Aquila nodded. "Of course, I've made spells myself. Despite the fact that I haven't gotten them approved yet."

* * *

"The Dark Arts are a fascinating subject," he told Aquila. "in that they are a constantly and irrationally mutating branch of magic. What you will be learning is the magic that is fixed, spells that can be made, but the vast majority of Dark magic itself is magic formerly used for a good purpose that has been corrupted. Nearly anything, if used in a malicious manner, can be classified as Dark magic. A simple Warming Charm can be dangerous if used to raise the heat to unbearable temperatures."

Aquila raised her eyebrow and asked if Divination could be classified as Dark magic.

"I would deduct house points for cheek, Aquila, but you are not in school and in any case no longer attend Hogwarts."

"No, really, I'm serious, Severus. Could Divination be used to harm someone?"

Severus gave Aquila a slightly odd look and said, "I suppose it could, yes."

* * *

Aquila and Severus were sitting in the sitting room again. This time they were both on the couch, and they sat there discussing how Aquila should present herself.

"I know I can't show up looking like an innocent little girl," she said to Severus. "I need to appear in front of the Death Eaters with blood on my hands, or they won't accept me easily."

"You are possibly the most perceptive twenty year-old I have ever me, do you know that?" said Severus.

Aquila nodded. "Yeah. I do. I think a lot, and it usually gives me an advantage. Now, I don't want to jump onto the bandwagon too fast, or they'll think I'm up to something with all my eagerness. I'll need to appear slightly disinterested in their ways, but then seem to grow ever more attached to the Dark Arts and then seem to be fully corrupted by them. By that point I should have the Dark Mark, and begin plotting with the Death Eaters but being very careful not to let myself receive any blame for mistakes they will make in trying to deal damage to the Order of the Phoenix. At which point should I present myself as a spy for the Death Eaters and begin swapping information between sides?"

"You will have to gain their trust first and avoid full contact with the Order for at least a month; that way, they might be able to keep tabs on you without discovering your true intents."

"Thanks for helping me out, Severus. I'm going to be really thankful for all of this once I'm behind enemy lines."

Severus did not say anything as Aquila sat there, still thinking.

* * *

Aquila didn't want to practice torture curses, but it was sort of a requirement if you wanted to become a Death Eater. Torturing was not something she would enjoy - actually, it made her highly uncomfortable. The thought that she would be doing this to muggles and muggle-borns - to appear as though she were _having fun_ doing it - _who did that?_ Who the hell in their right mind tortured people _as a hobby?_

"Nocent animis," she repeated for the fifth time, and the spider suffered her torture once again. Its legs began to jerk violently at awkward angles and she forced herself to continue watching, driving all her anger at being forced to torture spiders into the spell.

How hypocritical she was of herself.

Well, that's the story of a spy's life.

It made sense to her to torture for a good reason, such as revenge for a malicious attack or even to protect others - but _this_? Torturing a random spider that just happened upon Severus Snape's house? It was pointless.

At least Severus wasn't forcing her to do it; he was letting her learn the Dark Arts at her own pace, not trying to push her into something she wasn't ready for. Aquila wanted to hug him for that, but it would be very awkward, so she decided not to. She resolved to find out when his birthday was and buy him the best potion-related merchandise she could find.

"Severus, why am I torturing a random spider? There's no point. The spider isn't a mudblood - God, I will never get used to saying that - it never did anything to me, and it isn't even sentient. So why am I torturing it?"

"You are torturing a spider because it is not sentient and you need to know the Unforgiveable Curses, but I don't think you're ready to use the Cruciatus Curse and the Mental Torture Curse is a lot more bearable to watch than the unforgivable Torture Curse."

Aquila met Severus's dark-eyed gaze and stood up from her seat. She walked over to where he stood and gave him a hug. He seemed slightly thrown off and tensed up. She had to agree that it was more than a little weird to be hugging a former teacher who was assisting you in fighting a war but only hugging because he wasn't forcing you to use an Unforgivable curse and torture a spider into insanity.

As she pulled away from the hug, she asked, "Severus, when's your birthday?"

Severus scrunched his eyebrows together and replied, "Why do you ask?"

"Because I want to thank you," she said quietly.

A silent conversation passed between the two, and Aquila returned to her seat with a small smile.

Severus wasn't just a mentor to her anymore. He had become a friend.

 **Did you catch the Sirius joke in there?**


	2. Two - First Meet

**Thanks for reading this, fellow Potterheads. It means a lot to me, and trust me when I say I get really, really excited every time I get another view on anything.**

 **First uploaded October 7, 2015.**

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 _Life is a dream for the wise,_  
 _a game for the fool,_  
 _a comedy for the rich,_  
 _a tragedy for the poor._

 _-_ _Sholom_ _Aleichem_

* * *

 _Six week_ _s later_

Aquila Disapparated just outside the grounds of Dolohov Manor and Apparated on the steps to Severus's house. She was still in her work attire, for she had just returned from her job at the Ministry of Magic. The pair had been running on the same schedule for about a month now; they met on Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays, and Saturdays at Severus's house, where Aquila would learn, practice, and strengthen her skill in the Dark Arts and Occlumency. They acted out situations in which Aquila would meet a Death Eater and, introducing herself as the daughter of Antonin Dolohov, prove that she was worthy of joining the Death Eaters. Not that it should ever happen that way, but it was a necessary precaution.

This particular Saturday, however, was the day she would finally put her skills to good use. Severus had arranged an informal meeting with the Death Eaters to introduce Aquila and begin her training with the followers of Voldemort, as was customary when training a full-ranked new recruit, someone who would carry the Dark Mark.

Quickly smoothing out a few wrinkles in her robes, Aquila walked up the steps and knocked sharply on the door twice. It was promptly opened by Severus, who gestured for her to enter. She did so and closed the door behind her, then entered the sitting room and shed her cloak, sighing as she pulled a few clips out of her hair. "Goodness, Severus, the Ministry is in an outrage! They gathered the entire Wizengamot for that Potter boy's hearing, the one about the Patronus, and even with sufficient proof and necessary reason, Cornelius still tried to convict him, along with that _awful_ Umbridge woman! Not to mention the ruckus in my own department; Cornelius, I swear, he was completely miffed and I think he almost fired me when I authorized Arthur Weasley to enter the Department of Mysteries after hours. He _hates_ Arthur, I tell you. Shacklebolt and Tonks, he didn't care, barely even noticed. And all the denial of the Dark Lord's return! I cannot believe what Skeeter did! The evidence was screaming in their faces in June, yet Cornelius is still in denial!" Aquila finished off her rant about the incompetence of the Ministry with some more comments about the madness of the Minister of Magic as Severus sat down next to her on the couch.

Turning to Severus, Aquila asked, "So, how has your day been, Severus? Any news from the Death Eaters, any progress with the Order?"

Severus shook his head slowly. "Nothing new." He paused momentarily, then continued, "The meeting is in about an hour. You should make any necessary arrangements now."

Aquila nodded and stood up, finding her way to the small bedroom that Severus had allowed her to use when she stayed at his house, too tired to Apparate after hours of training. She set down her handbag on the bed and opened the closet door, where she chose from a selection of robes a long black chiffon dress with lace sleeves. The dress was something she found looked suitable for a Death Eater, fit her comfortably, and complimented her appearance. With a small smile, Aquila hastily showered and changed into the dress, then quickly put up her hair with aid from a few hair clips and magic.

The entire process took Aquila about forty minutes, giving her little time to go over what she needed to know beforehand. Aquila ran down the stairs, hoping to gain a little more time before her mask went up, but as fate would have it she tripped on the third step from the bottom and would have landed roughly had it not been for Severus, who had caught her by flinging his arm out across her chest; he was now holding her by her shoulders and looking at Aquila with an unreadable expression. **(** **OOC** **: I know that sounds a bit weird, I mean he caught her with his arm right below her neck and his hand on her shoulder furthest from** **him** **.** ) She met this gaze with a look of surprise; she had rarely ever seen someone move so fast.

Severus helped Aquila back to her feet and she thanked him as they stood back up. She straightened out her dress and joined Severus in the sitting room once again.

It was clear to Aquila as soon as she sat down that something was bothering Severus. He had a distant quality to his face, but Aquila didn't know what could possibly cause what she was witnessing.

In ten minutes' time, the twenty year-old was ready to meet the Death Eaters for the first time, signalling the beginning of a long and difficult yet desperately necessary life as a double agent. Aquila stood up and placed her hand on Severus's shoulder. The pair Disapparated and Reapparated in front of Malfoy Manor. Aquila recognized it only by the Malfoy family crest embedded in the wrought iron gate.

Severus began walking torwards the gate, his fascade up immediately. Aquila followed and watched him as he held up his wand and, casting some wordless spell, walked through the gates with Aquila as though they were nonexistent.

The pair approached the elegant entranceway that appeared to have been built with the most expensive stone whomever had designed the manor could find; Aquila found it to be very standoffish of the Malfoys to have an entire section of their front garden decorated with what looked like diamond. It was quite obvious that the Malfoys were looking to show off their extravagant wealth. Hell, there were even a few peacocks to be seen on the grounds. _Such self-flattery,_ she thought to herself.

Aquila followed Severus as he entered the manor house and began to navigate the hallways. He stopped at one door and pushed it open to reveal a meeting room containing a long conference table and, gathered around it with solemn looks set upon their faces, sat about fifteen Death Eaters.

Aquila sat down at the end of the table following a gesture from Lucius Malfoy and, folding her hands together on her lap, began to wait.

Within the next few minutes the number of empty seats dwindled down to a small number, the number of Death Eaters reaching the twenties. Aquila watched the clock on the wall as the seconds ticked by, and it was exactly when the second hand hit the twelve and the minute hand hit the twelve that Lucius said, "We are gathered here today, at the request of Severus Snape, to formally introduce a new recruit into our ranks. Many of you are familiar with this new recruit's heritage. She is the heir of the Most Noble and Ancient House of Dolohov. She has shown heavy interest in the Dark Arts in past years and may now be given the chance to prove her worthiness and value to the Dark Lord. Aquila Lyra Dolohov, rise."

 _So eloquent,_ thought Aquila to herself. Lucius's words were one hundred percent formalities. She pushed back her chair and stood up, hands falling to her sides.

Lucius flicked his wand and the door opened, revealing Peter Pettigrew pointing a wand at a teenage girl who looked to be no more than a few years younger than herself. She looked fearfully around the room, eyes flitting around, with and expression of fear and shock on her face.

It didn't take long for Aquila to realize that this girl was a Muggle.

Her hand slowly crept towards her wand, slipping through the folds of her robes to an invisible pocket. She heard Lucius's voice behind her say, "You have one task, Dolohov. Torture this Muggle filth."

In a split second, Aquila's wand was out and pointed at the girl, whom Wormtail had shoved to the ground. With a few swift movements and a nonverbal cast of the Mental Torture Curse, the girl was on the ground screaming and writhing in pain. Aquila let a wicked smile cross her face and forced herself to laugh. Twenty seconds passed, and Aquila cut off the spell. She asked Lucius, "Shall I continue? Or should I wipe this filth's memory?"

Severus had trained her well.

"Wipe her memory. We wouldn't want the Order catching wind of a mysterious Muggle murder, now, would we?"

Aquila nodded. "Too right. They're trying to watch us, those Muggle-loving pawns of Dumbledore. Scum." She scowled and raised her wand again, hoping they were falling for her act. "Obliviate."

She removed all trace of the Death Eaters from the girl's mind and turned back around to face Lucius.

It was a bit creepy to see someone like Lucius smiling, but he was doing so and told her, "Welcome, Aquila Dolohov, daughter of Antonin Dolohov, to the Death Eaters. Your father will be proud when he learns of this new addition to our numbers."

Aquila smiled back and replied, "I'm positive he would be." Her chest felt tight, but she continued to act as though she had enjoyed herself.

Lucius nodded and said, "This meeting is now dismissed."

The unmasked Death Eaters began to file out of the room, disappearing down the hallway and vanishing from sight. Aquila followed Severus out onto the grounds and waited until they were past the anti-intruder enchantments before reaching out to his shoulder and disappearing with a twist of the toes and a loud pop.


	3. Three - A Darkened Soul

**I'm successfully writing Aquila to be similar to Lily** **Evans-Potter** **. And I know I'm getting it right because I took the** **Meyer-Briggs** **test, answering as Aquila would, and got** **ESFJ-A** **.** **ESFJ** **is Lily's personality type.** **YAASS** **.**

 **THANKS FOR READING THIS, PEEPS.**

 **First uploaded October 7, 2015.**

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 _As I_ _lay_  
 _Under the light_  
 _Of a thousand little stars._

* * *

Severus felt an unexpected pull and the feeling of Apparation, watching the lavish perfection of Malfoy Manor be quickly replaced by an open field surrounded by dotted trees, but it was at a higher elevation. He realized that Aquila had taken him to Dolohov Manor, and there were only two reasons he could come up with as to why she'd come here. The first seemed highly unlikely, though, and the second was a reason for which he had once sought solitude and isolation.

 _Oh, Aquila..._

The girl was still so young.

She'd collapsed on the ground and began shaking - whether from the guilt of torturing an innocent or from the chilly night air, he did not know.

Severus dropped down to his knees and wrapped his arms around her shoulders. Aquila in turn pulled herself up all the way and, throwing her arms around Severus's neck, began crying into his shoulder, still shaking violently.

There were few words to be said between them as Severus and Aquila sat there under the starry sky, Severus rubbing his hand against her back, trying to comfort her. He eventually untied his cloak from his neck and wrapped it around Aquila. Severus gently began to work the clips out of Aquila's hair, letting it fall past her shoulders. He could not deny it, she looked beautiful, even as a mess of negative emotions overcame her.

"I - I've never - hurt - someone - like that - before," whispered Aquila between sobs. Severus nodded as he took out the last clip, remembering how he had once felt similarly in a lesser extent, before he'd become publicly known as a spy to both the Dark Lord and Dumbledore.

There were only two times Severus had ever been so emotionally overcome that he had broken down into tears. The first, he'd been fifteen years old, the day he'd lost Lily's friendship. The second was six years later, the date that would be forever remembered in history, the night Lily Evans Potter had been murdered.

The night he lost the only person he'd ever loved, forever.

For fourteen years he'd lived with a growing guilt, feeling that he, the person who'd reiterated the first part of the prophecy to the Dark Lord, was responsible for Lily's death. He'd continued to carry through with his act, pushing down his feelings and replacing them with a cold cover, but at this moment Severus felt neither desire nor need to do so. He felt something that he hadn't felt in full for years, something that he could not define, when he was in Aquila's presence. It was both emotional and physical. Severus could feel it in his chest, a certain strain, but he did not know what it was.

Aquila was something different. She reminded him of Lily in a way, perhaps a bit too much...

Severus felt a tear slip down his face and closed his eyes, listening to Aquila's sobs and the still night air. "I'm sorry," he whispered gently into her ear. "I'm so, so sorry." _I didn't think you'd have to do that, not so soon..._

Severus reached into the pocket of his robes, pulling out his wand. " _Coniungere animos_ ," he whispered, and a silvery thread appeared from the end of his wand. It extended itself and wrapped around Aquila's forehead, then Severus's, then split off and melted into their skin. Severus could now feel a new section of his thoughts forming.

He had linked their minds.

* * *

It was about twenty minutes later that Aquila's crying finally slowed. She was now just curled up under Severus's cloak, shivering with the occasional sniffle. Severus listened to her breathing as it slowed, realizing a few minutes later that she had fallen asleep.

Severus shifted his hold on Aquila and picked her up off the ground. Holding her bridal style, he vanished in a cloud of black smoke. Severus was flying through the air, glimpsing small flashes of the terrain below and landing in Spinner's End. He was thankful for the broken streetlamp, as this was a Muggle neighborhood.

The potions master began to walk towards his house and opened the door with a bit of wandless magic. He closed the door with his foot and walked up to Aquila's room. Severus, careful not to wake her, pushed back the covers, placed her on the bed, put her wand on the desk, and slipped off her shoes. He drew the covers over her and wrapped them around her shoulders, then left the room for a moment to retrieve three potions from his storeroom. Severus, scanning the labels quickly, grabbed three bottles off the shelf and returned to Aquila's bedroom.

Upon reentering the room Severus pulled up a chair to Aquila's bedside and placed the bottles on the desk. He sat down in the chair and began to watch over the girl, memorizing her breathing pattern and keeping an eye out for unexpected movement. Severus was well aware of the possibility of Aquila being in shock and was prepared to administer a potion to her if necessary.

About forty minutes passed before Severus noticed a faint disturbance in Aquila's breathing. It had quickened its pace by only a barely noticeable margin, but Severus heard it. He listened attentively for the next minute and could hear a distinct difference in her breathing. Its speed was rapidly increasing and Severus suspected nightmares to be the cause. He jumped up from his seat and swiped the bottle of Calming Draught off the desk, then returned to Aquila's side.

Severus pulled the covers back and sat on the edge of the bed just as Aquila's breaths began to get desperately short and ragged. "Aquila, wake up," he said as he shook her by the shoulder. " _Wake up!_ "

Aquila, who had begun hyperventilating, opened her eyes before Severus as he uncorked the Calming Draught. He pulled her by the shoulder into an upright position and carefully poured a small amount into Aquila's mouth. She swallowed, and Severus gave her the rest of the potion, which she drank.

It wasn't long before the Calming Draught made its effect and Aquila's breathing slowed back down to normal speed. Aquila, taking deep breaths, thought to him a very quiet, _Thank you._

Severus asked, "Are you okay?" He wondered what exactly she had been dreaming of and why it had caused her to hyperventilate. _It must have had something to do with torturing that Muggle girl,_ he thought to himself.

Aquila, who was sitting extremely still, did not answer, but gave a tiny shake of her head.

 _Nightmares?_ asked Severus mentally, and she gave a small nod. He noticed that her knuckles were clenched rigidly against the sheet and placed his hand on one of hers.

 _Will you stay here?_ he heard Aquila think, and immediately thought back, _Yes._ He rubbed her hand between his fingers as she lay her head on his shoulder. Severus tensed up on instinct, but he let Aquila rest against his neck. She needed comforting and didn't feel ready to fall asleep again.

"Severus?" he heard Aquila ask quietly.

"Yes?"

"I know this sounds a bit weird, I don't mean it in that way... but... I feel really awful right now, so could you just stay with me here?"

His answer was to Transfigure the chair he had been sitting on into a small bed and retrieve the Dreamless Sleep potion from the desk. Severus handed it to he and said, "Drink this when you're ready to sleep."

Severus laid down on his Transfigured bed, his fingers locked with Aquila's, staring up at the dark ceiling. He lay there wide awake, even long after she had taken the potion and drifted off into sleep, his thoughts and emotions of Aquila remaining unsolved into the darkest of night.


	4. Four - Overemotional

**Did you guys like the last chapter? I wrote it from Severus's point of view because Aquila was sleeping for a large part of** **it and to show his feelings on the matter.** **And, well, other reasons. PLOT STUFF, YA KNOW?**

 **I just love staying up til 4 AM writing, going to sleep** **cuz** **'** **my phone battery is almost dead anyway (I wrote this on another writing website originally), then waking up to continue writing** **fanfiction** **. Don't you?**

 **I want to know your reaction when I say** **Kinderfleisch** **. (It's an inside joke, trust me.)**

 **First uploaded Octover 7, 2015.**

* * *

 _Do you truly, honestly think that I want to do this?_

* * *

Aquila awoke the next morning feeling fully rested, yet miserably all the same. Her hand was still locked with Severus's, and although she had no wish to pull her hand away from his, it had to be done. Aquila didn't want to wake him up before he was ready, but she needed to change and clean herself up. She was still wearing her dress from the night before, and when she touched her left hand to her face it was sticky with dried tears. Her hair also felt to be particularly messy and knotted this morning.

To put it simply, she was a complete mess.

Wait a second, was that Severus's cloak that was wrapped around her shoulders?

It _was._ Aquila didn't remember him giving it to her specifically, the night before was mostly just a haze... except for the emotions, nightmares, meeting, and Severus...

Aquila sat up on her bed and rubbed her eyes with her left hand, then scooted closer to Severus and began to work her fingers out of his. He was gripping them very tightly, and Aquila could only guess that he had been worried about her.

Once she'd managed to pry his knuckles off of hers, Aquila stood up and walked into the bathroom, closing the door behind her. She picked up her hairbrush off the sink and began to work it through her hair. As soon as she brushed it well enough to push it back behind her neck, Aquila Transfigured a few hair clips into a quill, parchment, and a bottle of ink. On the parchment, she wrote:

 ** _DO NOT ENTER._**  
 **I am in the shower, so unless you want me to erase part of your memory and hex you into** **the next century** **, I suggest you stay out.**

 _That should keep him out,_ thought Aquila. She reached into her pocket to pull out her wand, only to find that it wasn't there. _Oh. Severus must've put it down somewhere else._

Hoping it would be in the room, Aquila reopened the door and glanced around the room. It was only a few seconds before she spotted it on the desk and went to pick it up. Aquila grabbed it off the desk and returned to the bathroom, then placed a temporary sticking charm on the parchment, pasting it to the bedroom side.

Aquila left the door open as she walked over to her closet, opened the door, and selected a set of emerald green robes. She brought them into the bathroom, closed the door, and whispered, " _Colloportus_ _,_ " to lock it. Then she unwrapped Severus's cloak from around her shoulders, set it on the counter, and began to undress.

Forty minutes later Aquila emerged from the bathroom, dressed, ready to leave, and finished with her shower (she had taken her time). She noted that Severus had left the room and his bed had been replaced by her desk chair.

After she had taken the parchment off the door and stowed it away in her desk, Aquila walked downstairs and joined Severus in the kitchen, where he was cooking something Aquila couldn't identify yet (it was still in the pre-cooking/serving phase), and it was a bit of an odd sight, seeing Severus mix together something that wasn't in a cauldron.

Walking up behind him, Aquila watched Severus begin to spread the mixture of what appeared to contain sour cream and spinach over a pie crust. "Morning." He did not reply.

She took a guess at what he was cooking and asked, "Are you making quiche?" Severus nodded, and Aquila stepped up beside him as he finished with the first mixture. He set aside the bowl that had held it and picked up a large skillet filled with a combination of bacon, onions, mushrooms, and ham. _Wow_ , that smelled good.

As Severus began to scoop the layer from the skillet into the pie crust, Aquila asked, "Is there anything I can do to help?"

Severus nodded and replied, "Mix the three cheeses together - I've already measured them." Aquila picked up a bowl sitting next to the sink with three unmixed types of cheese. She opened a drawer and pulled out a clean spoon, then began mixing. Once she'd finished with the cheese she placed the bowl next to the pie pan. Severus immediately relayed a mental instruction of, _Beat_ _the eggs_ _with the_ _half-_ _and-half_ _._ Aquila gave a small involuntary giggle; it was like hearing Severus teach an out-of-textbook potion, except... it was with food.

Aquila picked up a whisk that was lying next to the bowl Severus was cracking eggs over and began to beat the eggs with the half-and-half. When she thought they were sufficiently well mixed, she asked mentally, _Do I just pour it in the pan?_

Severus thought back to her, _Yes._ She nodded and waited until he was done putting the cheese in the pie pan.

Aquila poured the egg mixture into the pie pan and Severus put it in the oven, setting the timer.

As he stepped back, Aquila asked, "Why don't you use magic to cook it? It's so much faster."

Severus, turning face-to-face with Aquila, did not reply, but the expression on his face gave away that it was for personal reasons and she regretted asking.

Because the oven was actually magically enhanced (lawfully, of course, it was sold in a magical appliance store and held the symbols of being Ministry-approved and the company logo) the cooking time had been shortened to about a quarter of its original time. Twenty extremely quiet and awkward minutes later, Severus removed the quiche from the oven and set it on the counter. A cooling charm was cast, the quiche was cut, and the two were soon sitting down at the table and eating breakfast.

"I've arranged a meeting with Dumbledore for you at ten thirty," said Severus, finally breaking the silence.

Aquila swallowed her mouthful of egg and asked, "Are you coming?"

Severus, not looking at her, replied, "The Dark Lord is expecting me to give him information on the Order's movements. I cannot make an appearance at Hogwarts until twelve."

Aquila nodded. "I expect I'll be traveling by Floo, then?"

"Correct."

Aquila finished eating her quiche and looked at the clock. The time currently read 9:34. She had fifty minutes to kill and did not feel like returning to Dolohov Manor. Not yet.

Remembering something, she asked, "Severus, when's your birthday?"

Severus froze and looked up from his plate. "What?"

"When's your birthday?" questioned Aquila. "I asked a while ago, and, well, you never answered."

Staring straight forward into Aquila's eyes, he replied in a barely audible voice, "January ninth."

Aquila nodded, thinking about how close that was to her own birthday. January eleventh was only two days afterwards.

Standing up, Aquila brought her plate to the sink and cleaned it. She left it at the side of the sink to air dry and walked back upstairs to her room, where she picked up her book on the Patronus Charm off her desk and began to read.

Some time later, Aquila closed her book and checked the clock. It was 10:19, meaning it was about time she left.

When she arrived downstairs, Aquila saw the Severus had left a pouch of Floo Powder on the coffee table in the sitting room. With a smile, Aquila pulled it open and tossed a pinch into the fireplace; she stepped in and announced, "Headmaster's office, Hogwarts!"

Aquila ignored the whirlwind of fireplaces that was slipping before her eyes and gracefully spun out into Dumbledore's office, slowing down on her two feet. It was a skill she'd learned to master at a young age, and she'd made the best of it.

As she dusted off the layer of ash, Aquila was aware of Dumbledore watching her every move. She looked up and gave a small bow of her head to the purple-clad wizard, who smiled kindly at her in turn.

Aquila, following a gesture from Dumbledore, sat down at a seat facing a jubilant purple throne. The throne was quite a sight.

"Good morning, Aquila," said Dumbledore with a smile. "I hope you slept well?"

"Not as well as you'd hope," replied Aquila in a downhearted tone. "Should I tell you what happened?"

"I think that would be in order, yes," spoke Dumbledore as he tapped his wand on the desk. A bottle of Firewhisky and two glasses appeared. He poured a bit into each glass and took a sip of his own.

Aquila held her own glass in her hand and began, "They didn't mention plans at all. I don't think that it's typical of the Death Eaters to include new recruits on their first day." She took a sip of the amber liquid and felt its odd burning sensation, something that she found to be slightly soothing. It felt good in a way. "Or test them."

"You seem very relaxed when you say that," commented Dumbledore.

"Do you truly, honestly think that I want to do this?" asked Aquila. "Do you really believe it's on my priority list to kill all Muggle-borns and discover the secret to immortality?"

Dumbledore remained silent.

"I thought not." Aquila took another sip of her Firewhisky.

Dumbledore asked, "So, if there were no plans discussed, what _did_ happen?"

"I-" she began, and faltered. Aquila, remembering one of Severus's acting lessons, squashed down all feelings of guilt, remorse, and, hell, for some unplaced reason there was love. "I tortured someone."

The look of sorrow on Dumbledore's face was unmistakable. "I'm sorry to hear that, Aquila."

With a stony expression, Aquila added, "It was a Muggle teenager, from Wiltshire. She couldn't have been older than sixteen." She took a gulp from her glass and sighed. "I sort of had a mental breakdown afterwards and brought Severus to the grounds of Dolohov Manor, where I cried for about an hour. Then I fell asleep and had a nightmare." Aquila, realizing that her hands were shaking, took another sip and put the glass down.

Dumbledore, placing his hand on hers, asked, "What of?"

"Everyone that I know, whether I loved or hated them, told me I was a failure," said Aquila. "But that wasn't the worst part. The people I love and care about the most - that meaning Severus, Remus, Cass, Tabit, Asterion, and Askella - except - except..." Aquila took a few shaky breaths. Her hand was clenched against the desk. "They all - _hated_ me. All of them. And they tortured me - it - it was _horrible_. They'd cast the full-body bind on me and the silencing charm. I couldn't move or speak. And then that Muggle girl stabbed me with one of Bellatrix Lestrange's knives. Do you have _any_ idea what she does to those things?!"

"I do, in fact," replied Dumbledore. "Dark, Dark magic. She turns tools into instruments of torture in the most gruesome ways."

Aquila shuddered. "My God, it _hurt._ And not just physically." She drained her glass and sat there, staring at the wood of Dumbledore's desk. There was a long pause that ensued and was finally broken some time later when she said, "Albus?"

"Yes, Aquila?"

"I... I think I'm in love with someone," she said, her voice extremely small. "But I don't know if he can love me back."

Dumbledore gave a thoughtful nod. "I won't pretend to be an expert on love, Aquila," he began, "but tread carefully. I have an idea of whom you may be thinking of, and I must warn you: he is heartbroken. And he isn't healing."

Aquila closed her eyes and gave a solemn nod. "I know there's more to him than he shows. Severus acts... different around me from how he does in company. It's as if he's hiding something. From everyone."

A single tear rolled down her cheek, and Aquila did not try to hide it. It was like Severus lived in another world, he was so emotionally detached from everyone.

She stood up, her hand practically clawing at her face and covering her eyes. Aquila took a pinch of Floo Powder from the pouch and tossed it into the fireplace, barely even bothering to say, "Dolohov Manor," before the flames sucked her in.

Aquila spun out of the fireplace similarly to how she'd done at Hogwarts and steadied herself by grabbing the arm of a dusty old couch. She preferred to Apparate to Dolohov Manor because she didn't particularly like this room.

 _Aquila jumped up and down, her hand outstretched towards the wand her mother held just above her reach._

 _"Mummy, I want a wand!" said the enthusiastic little girl, her little curls of hair bouncing around._

 _Her mother laughed and told her daughter, "I can't give you my wand, you know that!"_ _She rocked the baby that she held in her arms, cooing softly._

 _"But I have to wait until I'm eleven, mummy. That's like a million years!"_

 _"No, Aquila, not quite a million. Only five!"_

 _"But that's forever from now," whined Aquila._

 _"Why not let her have a try with it, Lyra?" said a low voice from the other side of the room. "She can't do much with a wand without knowing any spells."_

 _Aquila turned around to see her father leaning against the doorway, his lips curved into a small smile. "Mummy won't let me have a wand," the six_ _year-old_ _pouted._

 _Antonin Dolohov gave his wife a look, and she sighed. "Oh, all right." She handed the wand to Aquila, who grasped it tightly in her right hand._

 _"Whoa," she whispered, feeling her magical energy gather in her arm. Waving it around in front of her, Aquila said, "_ _Magic_ _!"_

 _There was a loud bang that sounded from another part of the house. Aquila instantly cringed and said, "Oops."_

 _Her father sighed and Lyra glared at him as she took back the wand. "I warned you."_

 _Then_ _there_ _was another boom, but this time Antonin_ _didn't brush it off. His head_ _shot straight up so fast that he almost cracked his head against the doorframe. The Death Eater's wand was out in an instant and he let out a string of cuss words, causing Aquila to cover her ears._

 _Aquila heard shouting and her mother ran out into the hall with her baby brother. Her father picked her up and followed, running towards the back door. She heard a crash from somewhere behind them and more shouting. Lyra and Antonin dashed out the door and down the steps, past the patio, their wands out. Aquila heard her mother ask, "How did they get past the shield?"_

 _"I don't know!" her father shouted back. Antonin put Aquila down on the grass and told her, "Go to mum. Go as fast as you can. Go!"_

 _Aquila nodded and dashed over to where her mum stood, wand out. Her brother was lying on the ground where her mum had placed him. She saw that her father had turned back around and was now duelling with a dark haired wizard, both firing spells at each other with incredible speed._

 _Her own mother had begun shooting spells at two of the people who'd appeared. Aquila covered her eyes, overwhelmed with all the noise and bright lights._

 _She looked back up and saw that her father had been caught, his wand confiscated and wrists locked in handcuffs. Aquila heard one of the peopl_ e _who'd been duelling him say, "Antonin_ _Rotanev_ _Dolohov, you are under arrest by order of the Ministry of Magic, for taking part in the murder as well as torturing of Fabian and Gideon_ _Prewett_ _."_

 _"DADDY!" screamed Aquila, running towards her father. Lyra pulled her back, casting shield spells to block the hexes being fired at her at the same time. She dodged a few more spells as she_ _leaned down to pick up her son,_ _Eltanin_ _._

 _Aquila resisted her mother as she dragged her away from her dad, trying to loosen Lyra's grip. She'd finally succeeded in pulling herself free a split second before her mother and brother were gone, Lyra having Disapparated._

 _Aquila tried to run to her father, but was held back by another wizard who was blocking her way. The six year-old kicked and screamed at him to no avail as he continued to hold_ _her_ _back, watching and shouting,_ " _DAAAADYYYY_ _!_ _DAAAAAADYY_ _!" as they dragged him away._

 _Aquila began crying and ceased her efforts to escape, curling up into a little ball on the ground. She felt the wizard's hand rub her back, saying, "_ _Shh_ _, it's gonna be okay. You're gonna be okay, girl."_

 _But somehow, even at age six, Aquila knew that her parents were gone, and that she probably wouldn't be okay for a while. She didn't know how long they'd be gone for, but she knew she probably wouldn't see them for a long, long time._

 _The wizard asked her, "What's your name?"_

 _Aquila looked into the wizard's green eyes and replied, "Aquila."_

 _"I'm Remus," said the wizard. "How old are you, Aquila?"_

" _Six_ _years old." With a sniffle, Aquila held up six fingers._

 _Remus smiled at her and told her, "Your parents aren't going to be home for a while. We're going to go somewhere else while we wait, okay?"_

 _Aquila nodded. "Okay."_

 _Remus pulled her up to her feet and Aquila, holding his hand and swinging it beside her, walked with him to the house, where they took the Floo network to the Ministry of Magic._

She hadn't seen any of her immediate family since.

Every time she entered the living room, the memory of her father's arrest and her mother's disappearance plagued her mind. Aquila barely even remembered her brother, but the name Eltanin had stubbornly remained stuck in her mind for years, like it was super-glued to her brain.

Aquila dropped her hand from her face and looked away from the couch and exited the room, heading upstairs to get a few essentials before heading off to the Ministry of Magic.

After all the chaos of the previous night and the emotional crappiness of how she felt, Aquila still had a job to go to.


	5. Five - Love Hurts

**Who else is** **fangirling** **over the new and improved** **Pottermore** **? I know I am! The moments might be gone, but PM remains awesome with all its info. I need to explore it on desktop sometime, I've been using mobile... I still can't believe there's so much stuff that was on it that's gone.**

 **DO YOU SHIP AQUILA AND SEVERUS?**

 **Yeah, they're gonna be a thing.** **Th** **is the chapter where the ship begins sailing...**

 **And d** **o you like** **Sevila** **or** **Aquiverus** **better for a ship name?**

 **Review and be a** **fangirl** **:D**

 **First uploaded on October 7, 2015.**

* * *

 _In the end, we only regret the chances we didn't take._

 _Author unknown._

* * *

Aquila was slowly becoming more accustomed with her new side of life. She no longer broke down after torturing people and had taught herself to remain in the mindset of superiority over all others, the Dark Lord excluded.

That wasn't necessarily a good thing, but it did mean that Aquila had one less problem to worry about when it came to her induction ceremony.

Three weeks had passed since Aquila had first met with the Death Eaters. They had welcomed her much more openly than she had expected, but that was just her luck; Aquila had begun to receive training in the highly advanced Dark Arts, nearly to the level that Bellatrix Lestrange had used during the first Wizarding War.

Aquila was feeling a growing affection for Severus, though she didn't know how she would deal with it. She'd been staying in the company of Severus more and more often, so often that she had begun to Apparate to his house in Cokesworth as a habit, and if that wasn't enough she'd even caused him to show a rare smile a few times.

Aquila sincerely hoped that Severus returned at least _some_ of her feelings.

In just a few hours, Severus would be heading off to Hogwarts for the year, and Aquila didn't think she'd be seeing him again for some time. Even if he were to be at every Death Eater meeting she was called to, Aquila didn't know how she could possibly pull him aside and talk to him as she had over the summer, simply as a friend and often about nothing in particular, without raising suspicions that Severus was anything more than a fellow Death Eater to her. Speaking to each other mentally... it just wasn't the same.

Aquila didn't know why she held such great interest in Severus. She'd never really had a crush before she'd agreed to spy for the Order. Well, sure, she'd thought about people in romantic ways before, but never like this. Aquila had grown so close to Severus between July and September; in the past two months, she'd learned more about the Potions Master than in the seven years he'd taught her whilst she was at Hogwarts.

Eyes open, the former Slytherin stood silently in Severus's sitting room, staring down towards the floor. She felt a warm hand on her left shoulder. Without really thinking about what she was doing, Aquila turned around immediately, slipped her hands behind Severus's ears, and pressed her lips to his.

She felt him go rigid and his eyes widened in shock; Aquila only closed her eyes and wrapped her arms around his shoulders.

 _What the hell are you doing, Aquila?_ she heard the voice of Severus ask in her mind.

Aquila pulled away for a moment and asked, "Severus?" She was not surprised by his reaction at all, but nonetheless still slightly offended. Possibly more than slightly.

Severus took a step back, an emotion etched into his face that Aquila had never seen there before. It was a combination of fear and heartbreak, and simply the sight of it made Aquila want to cry. She could practically feel the emotions packed into it, flooding and wrenching her heart.

"Se - Severus?" stuttered Aquila as he took another step back, letting her arms fall back to her sides.

She felt a little pull in the back of her mind and realized that Severus was trying to use Legillimency on her. Aquila didn't have much to hide from him in any case.

She opened her mind to his without hesitation and felt him enter the world of her thoughts. Aquila felt the memory of the meeting in Dumbledore's office drift towards Severus, feeling the emotions that she had felt before.

An expression of surprise crossed Severus's features for a moment before it turned to horror. He took yet another step backwards and came in contact with the bookshelf. Unable to move back any further, Severus stood shock-still, staring at Aquila.

She stepped forward, placed her arms just above his shoulders, and kissed him again. However, this time it was short, as Severus pushed her away forcefully. He ducked under her arm and made a break for it, leaving Aquila emotionally confused and, though she would not admit it to even herself, with a feeling of severe hurt.

She remained with her feet plastered to the ground for several minutes, a sob threatening to escape as she stared at the place where Severus had stood. Her heart pounded heavily as an unbearable pain grew in her chest.

Her hand still leaning against the bookshelf, Aquila reached out in her mind. _Severus?_

A few minutes passed and she received no response. Aquila felt a tear roll down her cheek.

 _Severus?_

Still no answer.

 _Please don't ignore me, Severus._

There was a momentary pause, and to Aquila's relief she heard a reply.

 _What the hell were you even thinking?_

 _How dim does one get?_ think-shouted Aquila. _I'm in love with you, Severus, damn it! Have I not made that clear enough? I'm in. Freaking. Love!_

 _But why would you love me?_ she heard him think to her. _Who would ever want to love me?_

 _My God,_ thought Aquila back, _you really feel like you can't be loved?_ Her tears were freely falling now, and Aquila leaned her head against the bookshelf. _I'd think there was_ someone _out there_ _who loved you, whether as a friend or as family. You've never told me anything about your family, though._

 _I have no family,_ countered Severus. _The only true friend I ever had before you - she's -_

Aquila never heard him complete the thought. _Everyone has family, Severus, whether they may be living or dead. As for me, my parents are in prison, and no one knows what happened to my brother._ _I don't like it, but I still live with it!_ _Who are your family? And what about your friend?_

Aquila listened for a reply, but she never heard one. _Severus?_

 _Severus, are you still listening?_

 _Sev_ _?_

It soon became apparent to her that Severus didn't plan to answer.

With a sigh, Aquila pushed herself away from the bookshelf and walked upstairs to Severus's bedroom. She pushed open the door and stepped in. She saw Severus sitting at his desk, his hands pressed against the sides of his head, and walked up to him.

Placing her hand on his shoulder, Aquila began, "Severus - "

"Please don't, Aquila."

"I just want to understand what's going on!"

"Aquila..."

"Please, Severus."

She felt a warm hand on her own and heard, _It hurts, Aquila. I'm not sure I'd be able to tell you._

 _Then show me,_ replied Aquila. "Write it down. Show me in a memory. Just... tell me in _some way_."

 _Severus, you're clearly feeling emotional, and not in a happy sort of way. I just want to know why._

 _I'm not ready to talk about it._

 _You're never going to be_ , replied Aquila with a sigh. _That's why you just have to get it over with._

A few still, soundless moments passed before either of them moved. Aquila kept her gaze steady on Severus's, before he finally gave in.

Severus slowly stood up, pushed in the chair, and sat back down on his bed. He clasped his hands together on his lap and thought to Aquila, _You may as well sit._

Aquila sat down next to him and looked at Severus. He just took a deep breath, closed his eyes, and began, "When I was nine years old, I met a girl named Lily Evans."

"I'd seen her around the neighborhood with her sister, the two of them playing together. When I saw Lily heal an injured bird, I realized that she could be a witch. Her sister, Petunia - Lily always called her Tuney - and her parents were Muggles. I began watching Lily to see if it had truly been magic, but I wasn't fully convinced until I saw her hold a flower bud and cause it to bloom. Petunia called her a freak, and I introduced myself soon after. I told her that she was a witch."

"Lily didn't believe me at first. She thought I was making fun of her, until I told her that I was a wizard and my mum was a witch too, and that it meant that we were magical."

"We became best friends after that point. Lily was the only friend I had. My parents never really cared for me much, and they were always fighting with each other. Before we'd become friends, my only escape from my parents' arguments, which I had been caught up in when I wasn't careful, were my mother's books about the Dark Arts. Lily didn't like it, but the Dark Arts were all I really had for a long time." He opened his eyes again and looked at Aquila.

"I couldn't wait to go to Hogwarts, to be away from the constant shouting, and occasionally there would be hitting, that took place in my parents' house. This house."

Aquila's gaze softened and she let out a small sigh, placing her left hand on Severus's shoulder again. "Did they hit you?"

Severus hesitated for a moment before nodding slowly. She watched as he averted his eyes from hers, a saddened, almost ashamed look taking over his expression. "I don't like talking about it."

 _So t_ _hat's why you have trouble with love,_ thought Aquila to herself. "I understand," she told him. "I don't like to think about my father's arrest either. What about Lily?"

"We were the same age and received our Hogwarts letters around the same time. I think, had the run-in we had with Remus Lupin, Peter Pettigrew, Sirius Black, and James Potter on the Hogwarts Express gone differently... ...let's just say, we would not likely be having this conversation right now."

Aquila furrowed her brow. "Wait a second - you knew Remus, James, Sirius, and that nasty traitor Pettigrew when you were kids?"

"You speak of Potter as if you knew him."

Aquila sighed. "I knew Remus, James, and - oh, dear lord. Lily. Lily Evans." She stopped for a moment. "She married James. I can't see how that happened."

Severus closed his eyes. "It began with a dispute over Houses. I told Lily she had better be a Slytherin, Potter said he'd be a Gryffindor. I told him, or as good as told him, intelligence and cunning were more important than brawn and bravery, to which he insulted me and said I had neither." Severus stopped and took a breath.

"When we arrived at Hogwarts, Lily was sorted into Gryffindor and I into Slytherin."

Aquila lightly shook her head. "The rivalries were far too strong then. I'm beginning to see where this is going."

"I was constantly bullied by Potter for years after that day."

"Okay, I did _not_ see that one coming."

"Potter had a crush on Lily - he'd had one since he first me her - but Lily absolutely hated him. He was exceedingly arrogant, and it didn't help that he was the most popular Gryffindor quidditch player and had a flock of girls fawning after him, but Potter only had one person in mind, and it was Lily. I suppose he must've been jealous of my friendship with Lily, but no one save Lily ever tried to stop his bullying of me. Had he found out that I was - still _am_ \- in love with Lily, I have no doubt that it would have made it worse. I do think he suspected it, though."

"Oh, Severus... I swear, if it weren't you, I'd think you were making up some sob story to get attention, but this fits in perfectly with why you are who you are." Aquila gently rubbed Severus's shoulder.

"Black played a prank on me in my fifth year, and he almost got me killed. You are aware, I presume, that Lupin is a werewolf?"

Aquila nodded. "He almost bit me when I was five." She shuddered, remembering those snapping teeth centimeters from her face. "That _still_ gives me nightmares sometimes."

Severus nodded. "I had my suspicions and I'd noticed a few patterns, but Black thought it'd be funny to tip me off on how to get into the Whomping Willow. It was planted so that Lupin would be able to attend Hogwarts, and he hid in the Shrieking Shack every full moon. I had entered the tunnel underneath it and was about to reach the end of it when Potter pulled me back, chickening out on the prank he and Black had intended to play. He may have saved my life, but it was only to save his own - had they followed through with their stupid trick, I would be dead, but he would have been expelled. I will never forgive him or Sirius for that in combination with what happened next."

Aquila shifted her position. "He saved your life, though - surely that counts for something, even if he had been acting selfish?"

"Aquila, you have to see what happened. The entire story. There are certain parts of it - they're - they're too painful..."

 _I'd rather show you,_ she heard

Aquila found Severus hugging her, and she hugged him back. She whispered into his ear, "I'll show you my memories too."

She felt him nod and pulled back from the hug, reaching over to Severus's desk and grabbing two empty phials. Aquila concentrated her memories, focusing on grouping them together. She let the memories fall from her eyes, as though they were glowing, silvery blue tears. The Unspeakable caught and corked them in the glass phial. Severus, who had done the same, held out his phial and she replaced it with hers, her hand clenched around the bottle tightly.

"Do you have a Pensive?" asked Aquila. He nodded and told her, "It's in my workroom. Go. Look at the memories."

Aquila began to stand up, but before she'd even put any weight on her feet she stopped and, dropping back down, she kissed him one last time. He didn't resist her, but nor did he embrace it, which was now understandable considering what he had just told Aquila.

With a hint of what could be a sad smile, Aquila stood up and walked towards the door. She turned around and said, "I'm sorry, Severus," before walking away from the room.

Aquila entered Severus's workroom, glancing around before she spotted a Pensive laying on the table. She uncorked the bottle and poured the memory-filled tears into the water, then placed the vial on the table and submerged her face in the water.

* * *

 **Hate me, but I just can't write that memory right now. I NEED TO GET THAT SEVENTH BOOK TO WRITE IT,** **NUU** **. I'm going to go off the memory Snape gave Harry.**

 **Actually, scratch that, I'm not writing it. You people know what happens!** **It'll be everything except the conversations about** **Dumbledore's** **death, the part about Harry being a** **Horcrux** **(it hadn't happened yet), and the part where Severus argued with** **Dumbledore** **about being a double agent. (None of them had happened yet.) This** **one** **includes the prank Sirius played on Severus, the one that almost got him killed. It also includes when he actually first saw Lily, and some memories of his parents fighting. There's some more personal memories of his in there too, ones he never showed Harry, but they're not** ** _too_** **important to the plotline.**

 **Did you guys like the Aquila/Severus thing? *flails* It deserved its own chapter, and though it's a bit early on, I think that needed to happen before November. (In the story.) And I didn't think she'd get another chance.**

 **You know, the whole** **Azkaban** **breakout** **happens in November.**

 **YEP, SHE'S GONNA MEET HER DAD AGAIN!**

 **I cannot** _ **wait**_ **to write that chapter. *rubs hands together and cackles evilly*** **There's gonna be so much shit that starts going down from there...**

 **Bellatrix is going to** _ **looooove**_ **Aquila when she finds out how good she is at Dark magic.**

 **Llama llama duck.**

 **LIKE A WILLOW. (Tell me RIGHT NOW if you get the reference.)**

 **Kartoffeln** **,**  
 **KK**


	6. Six - Shouts and Tears

**Fair warning: there's some strong cussing in this chapter. Do not hate for it. Sirius is mentioned to cuss a lot in the books, and, well, Aquila and Cass are twenty. If you don't like cussing, you can just try to skim over it. I did note that this was the reason this story's rated T.**

 **OMG** **I JUST** **REALIZED** **THAT SNAPE WEARS ONLY BLACK BECAUSE HE'S MOURNING LILY**

 **First uploaded on** **October 7, 2015.**

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 _Oi, quit staring at me and get on with the report!_

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A cool October breeze drifted in through an open window, filling Aquila's nostrils with the scent of leaves. She sat with an open book in her lap, but was paying no attention to it. Her mind was currently preoccupied with thoughts of a certain Severus Snape.

How did people bear it? Love put a heavy weight in her chest, one that Aquila could not bear to hold. It hadn't even been a month and a half. She'd figured she would get used to the lack of his presence, save only for Death Eater meetings she'd been invited to attend, but that wasn't to be the case. She simply could not stop thinking about Severus.

Aquila had given up on her hope of trying to keep her mind off of Severus and had owled Cass earlier that week. She'd received a reply just hours later, telling her that her friend would come to visit as soon as she had an open schedule. That first opening had been today.

Aquila spotted the flames of the fireplace flaring up, and out tumbled a witch with curly blonde hair and pale skin. She stood up and steadied her friend; Floo Powder wasn't always the easiest way to travel if you intended to remain standing up.

Cass grinned and said, "Thanks, Aquila!" She stood up straight and shook a layer of ash off her robes, smiling brightly. Sitting down next to Aquila on the black leather couch, the witch asked, "How's the Department of Mysteries?"

Aquila grinned and rolled her eyes. "I can't tell you anything, you know that!" she said with a laugh. "Everything's completely secret - we're not allowed to discuss it even in the Ministry!"

Cass grinned back. "I thought you'd say that. Oh, Aquila - guess what? I'm engaged!" She held up her hand, flashing a diamond ring in the light.

Aquila gasped and jumped up, dashing over and hugging her best friend. "Asterion _proposed_? That's so sweet!"

"I know, right? But - get this - he took me to Paris to do it!"

" _Paris_?"

"Yep! But enough about me - what about _your_ love life?"

Aquila gave a little sigh. "That's what I wanted to talk about, actually."

A grin lit up Cass's face. "Oo! Oo! Oo! Oo! You found someone? You've found someone?"

Aquila gave a small laugh and a tiny smile. "Sort of."

"Whaddaya mean, 'sort of?'" exclaimed Cass.

"Well," began Aquila, "I sort of kissed him spontaneously and he was a bit freaked out, but then we had a heart-to-heart moment that involved an awful-slash-emotional-past-memories-swap and I sorta cried at the end, so now I can't stop thinking about him and it's just... yeah."

"So, what's his name?" prompted Cass.

"Um..." Aquila didn't know how Cass would react. "Severus Snape."

Cass shrieked, "I _knew_ it! I _knew_ you had a crush on him in fourth year!"

Aquila buried her face in her hands. "For the last time, Cass, I did _not_ have a crush on him! You were _there_ when Christina dared me to do that!"

"I shipped it then, and I ship it now!" Cass gave a girlish giggle and poked Aquila. "How'd that even _happen_? I mean, Snape would've murdered something if he was seen being kissed in public!"

"I was at his house," the Slytherin alumni answered softly.

"He has a house? I thought he lived at Hogwarts."

"Of _course_ he has a house, silly!"

"But why were you there?"

Aquila froze, hesitating for a moment before confessing. "Cass, I'm training to be a Death Eater."

Cass stared at Aquila. "What?"

"I'm joining the Death Eaters. I'm the Order's only direct backup in case something happens to Severus, and they need someone behind their lines at all costs."

Cass nodded slowly. "Aquila, please be careful. I can't cope with losing another one of my friends."

They both knew who she was talking about.

Cedric Diggory.

He'd been one of their closest friends, despite the two year age gap, and one of the only Hufflepuffs who'd been willing to befriend Slytherins, much less the children of convicted Death Eaters. Cedric had been accepting of Tabit, Cass, and Aquila, and in turn the three Slytherins plus the Ravenclaw twins Asterion and Askella had become the six greatest friends ever known.

Aquila still hadn't fully recovered from Cedric's death. Before June, she'd been a very social and outgoing person, but she'd become more secluded since the loss of one of her best friends. It had been a hard hit on all of them.

"I promise, Cass," said Aquila quietly, "I'll do everything in my power to keep us all out of this one. If — if you — o — or Tabit — A — Askella — Asterion —"

Memories of all the time she'd spent with her friends, with Cedric — seeing his limp, lifeless body lying on the ground — his laughing face —

Aquila gave a sob and began crying; Cass wrapped her arms around Aquila and told her friend, "I swear, Aquila, I won't let them be killed. I'll do everything I possibly can, everything there is to do, to get us all through this fucking war. Severus included. I won't let anyone else I love die."

Aquila nodded. "Cassie... I... I miss Cedric..."

"So do I, Kee," whispered Cass. "So do I."

They both sat there, hugging and crying, until there were no tears left to be shed. Aquila's mind slowly drifted back to Severus. She heard Cass say, "I'm going to have to have a little chat with Severus soon; you're obviously mad for him, otherwise you'd never have kissed our dear old Potions professor."

A small smile lifted the corners of Aquila's mouth. "Don't murder him, I like Sev."

"Why would I murder the guy who kept Tabit safe for years?"

Tabit was a werewolf, and Severus had been brewing him the Wolfsbane potion since he became one in our fourth year. Remus had let Aquila's friends stay with them for Christmas and misjudged the moon cycle, but they'd never told him he'd bit Tabit before being knocked out from being hit by five stunning spells.

Remus never found out.

"Just... don't get him worked up or anything. He isn't as cruel as he acts, it's just part of his role as a spy and, well, he's sort of punishing himself too. He made a huge mistake, one that he bitterly regrets, and he doesn't feel like he deserves to be happy. I feel so sorry for him, honestly."

Cass sighed. "Kee, I just want you to be okay."

"I'll be fine, Cass," assured Aquila. "I can take care of myself around him. I'm only worried about hurting _him_."

There was silence for a few moments as they resumed their former positions. Then Cass said, "I want to join the Order of the Phoenix."

" _Wha_ t? No, Cassie, you _can't_! It's already dangerous enough with Severus and I in the Order; you're - you're going to get yourself killed!"

"Aquila," countered Cass, "I'm a pureblood Slytherin with my father as a convicted Death Eater, and I'll let that protect me for now. My father was a spy — don't you think he might have taught me something? I was seven when he was arrested — I was old enough to remember him! If the Death Eaters come recruiting, so be it, but I _won't_ ignore this war when my best friend is caught up in both fucking sides of it, there's no way! If you're in this, so am I."

There was silence for a moment, then Aquila said, "There's no way to stop you?"

Cass snorted. "As if you could."

"You _really_ should've been a Gryffindor."

Aquila received a playful slap for this comment.

"I'm _way_ too awesome to be a Gryffindor," replied a sarcastic Cass.

Aquila rolled her eyes. "And way too devious. Also much too stylish."

"Sarcasm noted. Listen, Asterion and I are getting married in May. Think you could stay alive until then?"

"Of course," replied Aquila sweetly. "Anything for the Queen BFF."

Cass stuck her tongue out at Aquila. "You'd _better_ be there, you're gonna be one of my bridesmaids!"

"I didn't expect any less." She in turn stuck out her tongue playfully. "Alright, I've gotta go to an Order meeting. You coming or not? You already know about headquarters, so there's no point in detouring."

"Of _course_ I'm coming, I'm joining up!"

"Then let's _go_! Do you have your wand?"

Cass scoffed. "What _idiot_ walks around without their wand with them at all times?"

"Not this one. Alright, let's just leave!" Aquila stood up as well as Cass, grabbing her friend's arm and twisting her feet. The pair Disapparated and reappeared in front of Number 12, Grimmaud Place. Aquila dashed up the steps, dragging Cass behind her, and knocked on the door; it was answered by Arthur, who gave Cass a questioning look but ushered them in.

"Don't trip on the umbrella stand," Aquila warned Cass as they made their way down the hallway. They entered the kitchen, where several members of the Order of the Phoenix were sitting around a long table. Severus was providing a report in his low, drawling voice (Aquila found that voice really sexy) and was currently telling the Order about Voldemort's plans to break into the Department of Mysteries.

He broke off midsentence when he saw who it was that had entered the room, staring at Aquila. Everyone else in the room noticed and followed his gaze; Remus greeted her warmly and said, "Hello, Aquila, Cassiopeia."

"Cass," corrected her friend. "Hello, Remus — Molly — Sirius — Tonks — Severus."

She noticed that Severus paled a little but she kept a straight face. It was, after all, the first they'd seen of one another since September first. The young Unspeakable gathered her dress under her legs and sat down; Aquila nodded at Severus, saying, "Go on."

Severus, who had not shifted his gaze, replied, "Cassiopeia isn't part of the Order."

" _CASS._ "

"She is now, Severus. I tried to change her mind, but you learned how stubborn she was when you tried to alter the way she made the Elixr to Induce Euphoria in our sixth year. Though I must say, hers _did_ have the strongest effect."

Cass facepalmed, and Severus paled considerably.

 _Don't even mention that,_ Aquila heard him think.

"Am I missing something?" asked Remus.

"Yes. Trust me, you do _not_ want to know."

Both Severus and Cass looked very relieved.

Aquila couldn't blame them.

Severus was still staring at Aquila, who said, "Oi, quit staring at me and get on with the report!"

Severus averted his eyes and she heard a mumbled, "Sorry," then continued on where he'd left off.

"The Death Eaters are planning a breakout from Azkaban." There was a gasp to be heard, but the Potions Master continued. "They've already brought the Dementors in on their plans and are currently devising a course of action to disable the transportation barriers around the island."

"Well, what're they planning to do?" came the gruff voice of Mad-Eye.

"The Dementors have not clued us in on the specifics of their plans," drawled Severus, "but I have been informed that the breakout is scheduled for November."

There was a long silence, broken finally by Aquila's whisper of, "We only have one month left before the public is aware of any threat."

"Aware?" prompted Sirius. "Whad'ya mean, aware? HaveDumbledore and Harry not made it obvious that they believe Voldemort has returned?

"Sirius," began Aquila cautiously, "I'd be breaking five oaths if I told you the whole truth, but there's more the Death Eaters are after in the Department of Mysteries than that prophecy. And it's something they don't want public. That's why Lucius never mentioned it to you, Severus, it's a Ministry exclusive operation."

"Well, what is it?"

"You're aware, Sirius, that Time Turners are created in the Department of Mysteries?" Aquila watched as Sirius nodded, then continued, "There's another thing about time in there that Rookwood told Voldemort about, and now he's after it."

"But _what is it_?"

"I can't tell you. It's completely confidential, and relaying the information is punishable by death." Aquila fidgeted a little in her seat. They were straying into highly secretive information territory and it was making her a bit uncomfortable.

"I assume dear old dad told Voldy everything," mused Cass.

Aquila nodded. "Yep. That's why he's in one of the highest security vaults. That doesn't mean I can tell you, Sirius."

She was lucky that Sirius was cut off from pressing on by Severus. "Give it a rest, Black," he said, sounding very bored.

Sirius raised an eyebrow and commented, "And I thought you were incapable of talking to me without sneering." Severus glared daggers at him.

"Shut it, Black!" snapped Aquila.

"Oh, so now we're on last names, Dolohov?" retorted Sirius.

"We are now that you're insulting my friend!"

"Are you fucking kidding? Snivellus is your friend now?"

Aquila barked back, "He actually is, and don't call him Snivellus! It's rude and immature, not to mention the fact that you're an absolute ass to Severus - _what has he ever done to you_?"

"Let's see — attacked James, called Lily a mudblood, joined the Death Eaters, killed innocent bystanders, he fucking told Voldemort about the prophecy! _He was the cause of Lily and James' deaths!_ " Sirius stood up, glaring at her.

"Listen to yourself, you bastard! You don't even understand his motive, his history, not even his family, _nothing_! _You know absolutely nothing about him_!" Aquila slammed her hands on the table and stood up, knocking her chair over backwards. "You should actually get to know someone before you fucking judge them next time, instead of instantly hating someone because a kid you met on the Hogwarts Express _minutes ago_ didn't like him!"

Sirius glanced back and forth between the two, a horrified expression coming over his face. "Did you _sleep_ with him?"

"What the f -" Aquila broke off midsentence, temporarily unable to form words. " _Why the hell would you even suggest that?_ "

"You're defending Snivellus, and he's defending you!" exclaimed Sirius. "That has fucking _never_ happened before! What the _fuck_ is going on between you two?! Have you lost your damn mind?!"

Aquila hadn't even realized it until that moment, but her wand was out and there were red sparks flying off of it. Next thing she knew she'd shoved him to the wall by Sirius's neck and, pressing him against the plastered surface, Aquila pointed her wand her wand directly at Sirius's head. Digging the tip into the right side of his forehead, leaning forward and whispering sternly, "If you _ever_ insult Severus in front of me again, I swear, I _will_ hurt you."

The look on Sirius's face showed unmistakably that Aquila had completely scared him out of his wits; he nodded briskly and she held him there for a moment, glaring mercilessly into his eyes, before stepping back and letting her arms fall. She turned back around, still holding her wand, and let her glare subside only when she saw Severus, his face unreadable. Reaching out to Cass's arm, she asked quietly, "Are you ready to go yet?"

"Not yet," whispered Cass. "I can join you later. Take Snape to your house, I'll meet you there. Front hall."

Aquila nodded and asked, "Severus?"

"Yes?" he replied softly. This caused many of the Order members to stare at him, and the remaining to stare at her.

"I need to talk to you. Privately."

He nodded joined her on the other side of the table, where they Disapparated, vanishing from Number 12, Grimmaud Place.


	7. Seven - In the Name of Love

**Bwahaha. I have another fluffy chapter. I sooo ship Aquiverus.**

 **Prepare for the feels.**

 **First uploaded October 21, 2015.**

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 _And we are fighting in the name of love._

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Upon reappearing in her house, Aquila broke away from Severus. "I'm sorry about last month. I didn't mean to scare you." She couldn't look at him as she spoke and instead kept her gaze pointed down at the hardwood floor.

"Don't apologise," countered Severus. "You did nothing wrong."

"I kissed a heartbroken, mourning man. Is that not wrong?"

Severus replied, "You didn't know. Nor is it wrong, not when I've been heartbroken for twenty years."

"Thank you for defending me earlier."

"I should think I'd be the one thanking you."

 _Does he... ?_

There was a small stretch of silence.

 _Is he willing to... ?_

"Please don't ignore me anymore," whispered Aquila. "I can't bear it. You know how I feel about you."

"Aquila," he told her, "we're in the middle of a war. If you are _ever_ caught -"

"Then Voldemort will have a hard time taking me down, even if he comes to kill me himself," exclaimed Aquila. "Severus, I've created a counterspell for the Killing Curse! I do hope I never have to use it, as it's only theoretical, but you know I can handle myself, even against the unblockable spells!"

Severus said nothing in reply.

"Look, Severus," sighed Aquila, "I don't want to hurt you. I really don't. But I don't want you to hurt me either. You know what it's like to be in love - and - I don't know if we'll both make it out of this war alive." The last sentence grew ever more quiet with every word.

She barely heard him say, "I'm not sure if I want to."

"I won't judge you," stated the Unspeakable, "but maybe I can help you change your views on life. There's a still a lot left that's worth living for." Aquila looked up and turned her head slightly, meeting Severus's eyes. "Like Harry Potter, for instance. Like me."

Their silent staring match only lasted for a few seconds before Aquila stepped forward and kissed him. She placed her hands behind his neck and closed her eyes, feeling Severus's arms pull her closer. His lips pressed more firmly against hers - to her own surprise, he was kissing her back, rather than pushing her away as he had the month before.

It felt amazing for Aquila to feel his heart beat against her own, her left hand stroking Severus's neck and her right wrapped up in his hair. She was breathing heavily through her nose, not wanting to break the contact. Aquila couldn't hear anything but Severus's breathing and her own, nor was she really listening to anything else.

The pair was interrupted by a loud, slow clap; Severus's head snapped to his right and Aquila felt a rush of the chilly air against her face. She turned her head to the left but rested her head against Severus's shoulder. Aquila saw that they had been interrupted by a grinning Cass, who was applauding them, and though she couldn't see it the twenty year-old knew Severus would be glaring at her best friend.

"I thought that might happen sometime soon," said Cass. Looking at Aquila, she asked, "He didn't freak out this time?"

Aquila, giddy with happiness from the kiss, smiled and said, "Nope."

Severus asked Aquila softly, "You told Cass about September?"

Aquila closed her eyes and replied, "Yes, I did."

"Seriously, you guys would be _perfect_ for each other," commented Cass. Aquila ignored her teasing and buried her face in Severus's robes. She felt his warm hand on her back and began absently rubbing his other shoulder with her right hand.

Aquila heard Cass sigh and say, "Snape, I need to talk to you if you're gonna be in a relationship with Aquila. Without Aquila listening."

Aquila lifted up her head off of Severus's shoulder and opened her eyes. "What? Aww, come on."

Cass stared at her sternly and pointed towards the hall. Aquila, rolling her eyes, reluctantly pulled herself away from Severus and walked into the manor's library. She took her place on the black leather couch that resided by the window, laying down on her back. The air seemed to be much more cold, now that Aquila was not pressed up against Severus, and she felt a soaring joy as she thought about him.

They had kissed. It was not just her kissing him now; Aquila had made the first move, and Severus had returned her kiss.

He'd kissed her back.

 _Severus had kissed her back._

Aquila felt warm and bubbly in her chest; a grin spread across her face and she sat up against the arm of the sofa, pulling her legs closer to her chest. She kicked off her heels and let them fall to the floor.

Severus had kissed her back. His touch had clearly been affectionate; did that mean he returned her feelings? Or did it simply mean he wasn't opposed to them?

If there was anything Aquila had learned today, it was that love was obscenely complicated. Well, and that kissing Severus made her feel incredible.

But even as she questioned how Severus felt about her, Aquila could not stop smiling. She could remember the taste of his lips so vividly, the smell of his robes, the softness of his skin and her hand in his hair...

It was as though he was a magnet, she was a paper clip, and everyone else were sheets of paper. She interacted just fine with other people, but Severus was different somehow.

Aquila _really_ wanted to kiss him again.

How does one accurately describe love?

She could feel it, a burning desire in her heart, but to put it into words was to say the sky was blue and nothing more.

Aquila's thoughts were interrupted when the door banged open and Cass strode in, a triumphant look on her face.

"What did you do?" demanded Aquila as her friend dropped down on the opposite side of the couch.

With a giggle, Cass replied, "I told him my rules. Don't hurt you, don't be an ass, don't knowingly put you in danger without your prior consent, and don't push you into doing anything. You know, the usual."

Aquila covered her face with her hands. "Geez, Cass, Severus isn't like that. If anything, _I'm_ the one pushing _him_."

Aquila heard someone clear their throat and looked up to see Severus watching her with an amused expression. She gave him a soft smile and gestured for him to sit down next to her, which Severus did only after Aquila shifted her feet to the ground.

"We have so little time..." muttered Aquila to herself. _Too little._ She wasn't ready for this war. Cedric was gone - Aquila needed time. Cass needed time. The twins and Tabit needed time.

Everyone did.

"This war will be the death of me," she muttered under her breath. Aquila gazed into Severus's eyes for a moment before she threw her arms around him, letting her tears slip out. She closed her eyes and began crying silently into his shoulder, not caring whether or not he even knew why.

Aquila couldn't take it - if she lost another one of her friends or anyone close to her, she wasn't sure she'd be able to keep herself from losing it.

A few minutes passed in silence as she let her tears run. "How - how do you bear it?" the Unspeakable asked between sobs. She was shaking uncontrollably and felt very cold, even though she'd stopped crying in the short pause afterwards.

She heard a small whispered reply, "I push down every feeling, good or bad, and suppress all emotion. I ignore it."

Aquila gently gave a small shake of her head. "That's no way to live, Severus," she told him quietly. She finally managed to stop quivering madly by taking several deep breaths, calming herself down.

"But it's necessary," Severus voiced, pulling back away from her. "Therefore, I do it. I've been doing it for fifteen years; why should I stop now?"

"Because," answered the young woman, "to live without emotion is to live without love. And to live without love is the essence of evil itself. Can you think of one person the Dark Lord ever loved?"

Severus shook his head.

" _That_ is what we're fighting this war for," piped up Cass. "We're fighting for the sake of the future."

Aquila nodded. "And we are fighting in the name of love." She stroked the underside of Severus's jaw. He flinched at her touch but didn't say anything. " _Love_ , Severus. This war is as much for you as it is for Cedric - if not more."

Aquila took his hand in hers and rubbed it softly, gazing lovingly into the painful, dark mist that clouded Severus's eyes.

Grief.

Sorrow.

But there was nothing more painful to anyone than what his eyes betrayed. It hurt Aquila to know that what one felt could be so painful to the one she loved.

It was, plain and simply, love.


End file.
